A Dream of Batman

I just had the most vivid comic book dream I've had in a long while, and I thought I'd use this opportunity to put you all to sleep by talking about it.

It's a Batman comic book, by the current Batman team: Grant Morrison writing, Tony Daniel on art. Daniel still shows signs of being the artist who made me drop Teen Titans, but he's also proof that it's best not to dismiss new artists outright: They do improve with practice. Of course, and I want to stress this: Except for my imagination, Grant Morrison and Tony Daniel had nothing to do with this story. Just a dream, that's all. It's all me, in my head, put through various filters of memory and experience and fancy. Don't send any angry postcards to Grant, for Pete's sake.

So: The story opens with the Joker getting the drop on Robin. This isn't Jason Todd, or Classic-Robin Dick Grayson. This is Tim Drake, getting pummeled by the world's most dangerous lunatic. And for some reason (sleeping gas, maybe?) Tim isn't really able to fight back. He takes hit after hit, until he's down. The Joker then trusses him up in a canvas sack and chains (like Houdini) and throws him into the trunk of his car.

As the Joker drives off, we see a ghostly figure: The Spectre, who angsts about why he's always instructed to seek vengeance on run-of-the-mill murderers, but never trademarked characters--I'm sorry, I mean recurring absolute monsters--like the Joker. We see some disembodied wailing and gnashing of teeth, much like the Neal Adams Deadman comics back in the day.

(Hah. Bet that lost some of you.)

Let me stress here: There's no actual motion in this dream (or this part of it, anyway). This is the second dream I can remember in my life that is actually in comic book form. Drawn panels (in Tony Daniel's style), word balloons, sound effects. Color and black-and-white aren't the only dream choices, apparently.

Then we finally cut to Batman, trying to track the Joker down. The Joker pulls his car up to an icy lake, and tosses Robin (we can still see his face, so we know the sack still contains Robin) into the water. He sinks. Batman has just about caught up with him, but as the Joker drives away, Batman can't follow. He dives into the icy water to save Robin.

He soon emerges from the water with the chained canvas sack, and opens it to free Tim. But Robin isn't there. Somehow the Joker made a switch. Instead, we see various things to weigh the package down and this note:

The War in Iraq has claimed over 4,000 U.S. lives so far, and thousands upon thousands of Iraqis. If you ever want to see the Boy Wonder again, you'll end this war! You have fifteen days!

(Yes, that's a real WTF moment. Imagine dreaming it.)

As the comic ends, we see Batman rereading the note, with an anguished Spectre looking over his shoulder. He has fifteen days to end a war that never should have started. What does he do?

The dream continues, as the country at large reacts to this suddenly incendiary comic book. Should DC Comics be putting anti-war messages in its Batman comics? Has Grant Morrison lost his marbles? We see Grant Morrison on Larry King, saying "Ah, but is the larger message anti-war? After all, it's a dangerous homicidal maniac that's asking for the pull-out. More will be revealed in chapter two..." This satisfies nobody. "Wait and see" never does.

The last thing I remember from the dream is the women of The View grilling Hugh Jackman about the comic. Apparently since he played Wolverine, he's their expert. Somehow in my mind, I got the impression that Jackman was some sort of political firebrand, and the View women were looking for an answer they could squelch. At one point, one of the studio cameras showed a close-up of their feet below their chairs, where Barbara Walters and Star Jones had their feet ready to press a button that would cut his mic if he said anything too incendiary. But all Jackman said was, "It's just a story. Of all the reasons to leave Iraq, we shouldn't do it because a fictional lunatic is threatening a kid."

He looked really uncomfortable. I hope he had something to promote.

Rob