Special LATP Investigative Report

As I was drifting in and out of sleep this morning, I weighed the evidence that my subconscious mind had obviously been mulling over all night during my dreams. The question remains: Is Sandra Bullock a mermaid?

Pro: She’d dropped out of sight for a few years. She could have been in Atlantis.
Con: She has legs.
Pro: She jumped out of a plane over the Pacific Ocean, and showed up a day later on a Los Angeles beach.
Pro: When confronted, she leaped back into the surf. Not even Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner, could track her down.
Con: Aquaman wasn’t consulted, and he knows the Pacific waters better than that East Coast water baby.
Pro: David Spade, playing an abrasive tabloid reporter, claimed he had evidence, and was tracking down the story.
Con: He’d probably get his comeuppance by the end of the movie.
Pro: After Spade was convinced, we’d all find out that she really was a mermaid and she’d tricked him.
Con: But what about those legs?

Inconclusive: Bullock’s publicist has never mentioned it. Lori Lemaris and the Man from Atlantis could not be reached for comment.

So that’s it. Based on evidence both real and imagined, I’ve conclusively proven that Sandra Bullock might not be a mermaid. Maybe.

Rob