Friday, April 21, 2006

Seven Wonders

This morning at work, we were discussing the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, and the Seven Wonders of the Modern World, and I expressed some disappointment that Led Zeppelin IV was included in neither group (1971 is ancient, right?). Then Mike found a site listing the Seven Wonders of Chicago, and which seems a little ridiculous to me. But in that spirit, I present…

The Seven Wonders of My House!

1) The Tivo, which learns to do something new almost every day. From podcasting to playing my mp3s to seeking out episodes of the Dick Van Dyke show and the Twilight Zone, I’m filled with amazement at each new step. It’s like a son to me.

2) The CD racks. In a house as cluttered as ours, our CD collection bucks the trend by actually being alphabetized. I had nothing to do with this, and consider it a failure as a husband that Kathy could even get bored enough not only to try to do this, but to succeed.

3) The marble floor panel in our living room. It used to be a heating vent, from when the devil would burn souls in our basement, but then it was covered up with plywood and carpet. When the previous owners took up the carpet to reveal the (mostly) hardwood floor, they needed a solution for the plywood, and came up with this ingenious panel.

4) The Great Wall of Comics. When we moved in, there was a sizable alcove in the basement that, it turns out, fits my comics collection almost perfectly (excepting trade paperbacks and bookshelf comics, at least). As the years go by, I see the need for either a sledgehammer or eBay. But the Great Wall astounds me every time I go downstairs to do laundry. Sometimes I think I see Darkseid hanging there, merged with one of my long boxes.*

5) Jurassic Dryer. When we do our laundry, our dryer bellows and screeches like it’s full of dinosaurs. I fully expect to get eaten by a velociraptor covered in static-cling sheets one of these days.

6) The ferret cages. A weasel wonderland, with hammocks and tubes and snuggly flannel bedding, these are ingeniously configured so that, in order to re-hang the hammocks after washing, you have to either have a partner or use all four limbs and a tail to position the hooks.

7) The Second-Floor Stasis Field. There’s a room on the second floor which we laughably call the “guest room,” even though it’s the last place we’d ever take a guest we liked. We’ve pulled up the carpeting and stripped the paint off of all the molding around the floor, doors and windows. And then… time stopped. Incredibly, the room looks just as it did six months ago.

So, those are the Seven Wonders of My House. Does your house have Wonders? Let me know in comments, or post them on your blog and link from here. And good god, pass it along to your friends and evil twins. This is a baby meme, and it needs your spank on the ass to get it started.


* I’m aware that you probably don’t get this joke. It’s just as well, really.


Jeri said...

Done. Great idea.

bastard central said...

admit it lobster. ann coulter is missing and i think that after you are long dead we will find her behind the wall of comics, all "cask of amontillado" style. funny thing is, i never thought of you as a poe fan, more of a lovecraft fan. YOU FIEND!

Rob S. said...

"For the love of GOD, Montresor! Not behind the Green Lantern/Green Arrows! At least wall me up behind the Chuck Dixon comics! Or some Punishers!! Or The Question! No, no, the Ditko Question, not the O'Neilllllllll...!!!" That was the last thing I heard before the whole joke collapsed upon itself in comics esoterica.

(But good god, Jim, did your comment crack me up...)

Andrew said...

Great idea! This is a meme I could get into. Here's mine.